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Particulars of Christianity:
312 The Church Ethic


The Importance of Family Part 2: The Family

The Importance of Family Part 1: Marriage
The Importance of Family Part 2: The Family
Divorce and Remarriage: Introduction and Basics
Separation and Divorce in the Law of Moses
Marital Separation in the Gospels
Marital Separation after the Gospels and Conclusions
Marital Separation: Objections 1-3
Marital Separation: Objections 4-6 and the Early Church
Remarriage Addendum: Exception Clause Comparison
New Testament Protocols Regarding Men and Women (Part 1)
New Testament Protocols Regarding Men and Women (Part 2)
Comparative Peer Dynamics Chart



Family

It is difficult to separate the importance that the modern church places on marriage from the importance it places on the family. Obviously the two are closely related. The modern church's view of the importance of the family can be summed up in four points. First, the modern church teaches that the preservation of the family is unquestioningly part of God's will. Second, that God's intention is to use the family as a key building block for growing the church. Third, that the Bible identifies the family as the ideal environment for spiritual growth. Fourth, the modern church teaches that the believer's responsibility to their family is a fundamental aspect of their following Christ.

We will now examine these points to see what the Bible has to say about them.

First, does the Bible teach that the preservation of the family is unquestioningly part of God's will? Second, does the Bible teach that God's intention is to use the family as a key building block for growing the church?

Actually, no, it teaches the opposite.

It is interesting to note that the word "family" occurs only one time in the New Testament in Ephesians 3:15 where Paul has God's family in view not our individual families. Beyond that though, we can see that the preservation of the family is not a priority for the growth of the church. This can be seen in Matthew 10 and Luke 12.

Matthew 10:34 "Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. 35 For I have come to "set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law'; 36 and "a man's enemies will be those of his own household.'

Luke 12:51 Do you suppose that I came to give peace on earth? I tell you, not at all, but rather division. 52 For from now on five in one house will be divided: three against two, and two against three. 53 Father will be divided against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law."

Here in these two passages Jesus clearly states that the family unit will be divided over him and his message. His words here contain no apprehension about this phenomenon. They convey no concern on God's part to preserve the family.

Now, obviously we are not arguing that God is against the family or wants families to separate. All we are demonstrating is that the importance of the preservation of the family is over-emphasized by the modern church as a priority of God. Jesus' words here force us to conclude that God fully understood that families would divide because of Christ and that His response seems to be "so be it." As such it seems that the family is not God's chosen building block for the church, instead He seems to have individuals in mind for this task.

But doesn't the Bible portray the family as the ideal environment for spiritual growth? Not exactly.

Matthew 13:57 So they were offended at Him. But Jesus said to them, "A prophet is not without honor except in his own country and in his own house." 58 Now He did not do many mighty works there because of their unbelief.

Mark 6:4 But Jesus said to them, "A prophet is not without honor except in his own country, among his own relatives, and in his own house." 5 Now He could do no mighty work there, except that He laid His hands on a few sick people and healed them. 6 And He marveled because of their unbelief. Then He went about the villages in a circuit, teaching.

Matthew 10:21 "Now brother will deliver up brother to death, and a father his child; and children will rise up against parents and cause them to be put to death.

Mark 13:12 Now brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child; and children will rise up against parents and cause them to be put to death.

Luke 21:16 You will be betrayed even by parents and brothers, relatives and friends; and they will put some of you to death.

These passages out of Matthew, Mark, and Luke clearly convey that, far from contributing to the spiritual development of the believer, the family often acts in opposition or as an obstacle to God's will for the individual.

So then, what responsibilities does the Christian have to their family? Is the believer's responsibility to their family a fundamental aspect of their following Christ?

Apparently not. Instead, Jesus seems to relieve the individual believer from the responsibilities that our families might expect of us.

Luke 9:59 Then He said to another, "Follow Me." But he said, "Lord, let me first go and bury my father." 60 Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and preach the kingdom of God." 61 And another also said, "Lord, I will follow You, but let me first go and bid them farewell who are at my house." 62 But Jesus said to him, "No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.

Luke 14:26 "If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple.

From these passages it seems that Biblically like marriage, our family can distract us from our devotion and pursuit of Christ. Jesus' clear command is that his followers cannot be distracted from their devotion to him because of family concerns.

This expectation of God is further attested to in the following passages. As we read through them it is important to contrast them with the responsibilities we often perceive that the individual has to their family. Think about how we understand commands like "Honor your father and mother" and how these commands don't apply as we might expect in the situations described.

Matthew 4:21 Going on from there, He saw two other brothers, James the son of Zebedee, and John his brother, in the boat with Zebedee their father, mending their nets. He called them, 22 and immediately they left the boat and their father, and followed Him.

Mark 1:19 When He had gone a little farther from there, He saw James the son of Zebedee, and John his brother, who also were in the boat mending their nets. 20 And immediately He called them, and they left their father Zebedee in the boat with the hired servants, and went after Him.

These two passages describe Jesus calling James and John. Both brothers immediately abandon their father in the middle of work. Yet this is not considered inappropriate in the least bit, rather it is expected. Though they left their father in the midst of working, James and John were not considered to be dishonoring their father. This is because when compared to following Jesus, such things as even working to assist our parents have little weight.

Matthew 12:46 While He was still talking to the multitudes, behold, His mother and brothers stood outside, seeking to speak with Him. 47 Then one said to Him, "Look, Your mother and Your brothers are standing outside, seeking to speak with You." 48 But He answered and said to the one who told Him, "Who is My mother and who are My brothers?" 49 And He stretched out His hand toward His disciples and said, "Here are My mother and My brothers! 50 For whoever does the will of My Father in heaven is My brother and sister and mother."

Mark 3:21 And when his friends heard of it, they went out to lay hold on him: for they said, He is beside himself...
31 Then His brothers and His mother came, and standing outside they sent to Him, calling Him. 32And a multitude was sitting around Him; and they said to Him, "Look, Your mother and Your brothers are outside seeking You." 33 But He answered them, saying, "Who is My mother, or My brothers?" 34 And He looked around in a circle at those who sat about Him, and said, "Here are My mother and My brothers! 35 For whoever does the will of God is My brother and My sister and mother."

Luke 8:19 Then His mother and brothers came to Him, and could not approach Him because of the crowd. 20 And it was told Him by some, who said, "Your mother and Your brothers are standing outside, desiring to see You." 21 But He answered and said to them, "My mother and My brothers are these who hear the word of God and do it."

In these three passages, Jesus is approached by his mother and brothers who wish to speak with him. Jesus doesn't even seem to acknowledge them and expresses little concern for their request to see him. Instead he states that his familial obligations fall to those who hear God's word and do it, and not to those to whom we are family by blood. The conclusion that we must draw is that from Jesus' perspective believers have little or no obligation to our natural family members who aren't truly his disciples.

(It is also interesting to note that Mark's account of this event includes an indication that the intention of Jesus' mother and brothers was to lay hold of him because they thought he was out of his mind. See Mark 3:21, including a word study in the Greek.)

Matthew 19:27 Then Peter answered and said to Him, "See, we have left all and followed You. Therefore what shall we have?" 28 So Jesus said to them, "Assuredly I say to you, that in the regeneration, when the Son of Man sits on the throne of His glory, you who have followed Me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. 29 And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My name's sake, shall receive a hundredfold, and inherit eternal life.

Mark 10:28 Then Peter began to say to Him, "See, we have left all and followed You." 29 So Jesus answered and said, "Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel's.

Luke 18:28 Then Peter said, "See, we have left all and followed You." 29 So He said to them, "Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or parents or brothers or wife or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God.

In the above three passages we see that the disciples all left their homes and families, wives and children and parents to follow Jesus. They left their desire for these things and their responsibilities to them. Clearly Jesus expected no less from any of his disciples.

Matthew 8:21 Then another of His disciples said to Him, "Lord, let me first go and bury my father." 22 But Jesus said to him, "Follow Me, and let the dead bury their own dead."

Luke 9:59 Then He said to another, "Follow Me." But he said, "Lord, let me first go and bury my father." 60 Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and preach the kingdom of God." 61 And another also said, "Lord, I will follow You, but let me first go and bid them farewell who are at my house." 62 But Jesus said to him, "No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God."

Both Matthew 8:21-22 and Luke 9:59-62 demonstrate that Jesus expected his disciples not to hesitate in following him even over matters regarding their responsibility to their family. Such concerns seem to be given no place by Jesus as factoring into our pursuit of him and his teachings. Jesus' teaching in these passages upholds the opposite of the view held by the modern church, that the believer's responsibility to their family is a fundamental aspect of their following Christ. Instead, Jesus seems to relieve the individual believer of any obligations to natural family members who are not his disciples. Luke 2 affirms that Jesus upheld following God as the highest priority in his life even when it would seem inappropriate to do so by our understanding of the individual's responsibility to the family.

1 Timothy 5:8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

On the other hand, when our family (household) follows Christ, then our obligations to them remain fully intact. Only with regard to unbelieving family members are we relieved from our familial obligations.

Luke 2:43 When they had finished the days, as they returned, the Boy Jesus lingered behind in Jerusalem. And Joseph and His mother did not know it; 44 but supposing Him to have been in the company, they went a day's journey, and sought Him among their relatives and acquaintances. 45 So when they did not find Him, they returned to Jerusalem, seeking Him. 46 Now so it was that after three days they found Him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the teachers, both listening to them and asking them questions. 47 And all who heard Him were astonished at His understanding and answers. 48 So when they saw Him, they were amazed; and His mother said to Him, "Son, why have You done this to us? Look, Your father and I have sought You anxiously." 49 And He said to them, "Why did you seek Me? Did you not know that I must be about My Father's business?" 50 But they did not understand the statement which He spoke to them.

Here in Luke 2, Jesus as a young child remains at the Temple without consideration for how this might worry his parents. When his mother remarks about it, he makes no apology, but rather seems to indicate that they should've expected this from him. We see a similar attitude portrayed in John 2.

John 2:3 And when they ran out of wine, the mother of Jesus said to Him, "They have no wine." 4 Jesus said to her, "Woman, what does your concern have to do with Me? My hour has not yet come."

When asked by his mother to miraculously supply the more wine for the wedding at Cana, Jesus responds to her in a manner that we might normally think was inappropriate for a son speaking to his mother. Instead of calling her mother or mom, Jesus calls her "woman." Similar to his behavior in Luke 2, Jesus' response to Mary here seems to contradict our understanding of what God expects from children regarding honoring their parents.


Having Children

One last thing before we conclude this study pertains to the issue of having children and God's will. Many times the church assumes that it is a given that God wants married couples to have children. But Jesus' warning in Mark 13 and Luke 21 coupled with Paul's statements in 1 Corinthians 7 seem to provide some additional perspective.

Mark 13:17 But woe to those who are pregnant and to those who are nursing babies in those days!

Luke 21:23 But woe to those who are pregnant and to those who are nursing babies in those days!

1 Corinthians 7:28 But even if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Nevertheless such will have trouble in the flesh, but I would spare you. 29 But this I say, brethren, the time is short, so that from now on even those who have wives should be as though they had none, 30 those who weep as though they did not weep, those who rejoice as though they did not rejoice, those who buy as though they did not possess, 31 and those who use this world as not misusing it. For the form of this world is passing away. 32 But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord--how he may please the Lord. 33 But he who is married cares about the things of the world--how he may please his wife. 34 There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world--how she may please her husband. 35 And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction.

We are not suggesting that God is against believers having children. But, we must consider that Paul's language regarding the distraction of marriage would also apply (perhaps even more so) to child rearing. Taken together these passages show that we cannot simply assume that God's will is always in favor of our having children. Rather, it seems that God wants us be mindful of our circumstances, wisely and prayerfully considering how having children may affect our walk with God. This is especially true as Jesus' return draws near.


Conclusions

The unfortunate, but unavoidable result of the comparison we've just performed is that the modern church has once again developed positions that deviate from the Biblical perspective. As we stated the modern church places a great deal of priority on marriage and the family in the life of the individual believer. With regard to marriage this emphasis comes in two unscriptural premises. First, marriage is viewed as God's will and calling for (most or many) Christians. Second, marriage is viewed as advancing the spiritual development of the individual believer.

With regard to the family, the modern church also promotes four ideas that we have shown to be unbiblical. First, the modern church teaches that the preservation of the family is unquestioningly part of God's will. Second, that God's intention is to use the family as a key building block for growing the church. Third, that the Bible identifies the family as the ideal environment for spiritual growth. Fourth, the modern church teaches that the believer's responsibility to their family is a fundamental aspect of their following Christ.

In contrast to the views of the modern church, the Biblical perspective on marriage is that it is allowable, but not the preferred will of God for Christians. It is identified not as God's will or choice, but a product of our will and choosing (and also with a lack of self-restraint). Biblically speaking marriage is identified as inhibiting our spiritual development as individuals, as a distraction limiting our freedom to be fully devoted to following Christ.

In contrast to the views of the modern church, the Biblical perspective on the family is that God's intention to grow the church is indifferent to the preservation of the family, and even at the expense of the family. God is primarily concerned with the individual more than He is for the family. The building blocks that God intends to use to grow the church are individual believers, not families.

Furthermore, the Bible portrays the family not as the ideal environment for spiritual growth, but as often being an obstacle standing in the way of the spiritual growth of the individual. Also, it would seem that the Bible does not uphold any obligations of the believer to natural family members who are not disciples of Jesus. Of course, finally and above all our families must not supercede or impede our devotion to Christ.