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Particulars
of Christianity:
312
The Church Ethic
New
Testament Protocols
Regarding
Men and Women (Part 1)
The Importance of Family Part 1:
Marriage
The Importance of Family Part 2: The
Family
Divorce and Remarriage: Introduction
and Basics
Separation and Divorce in the Law
of Moses
Marital Separation in the Gospels
Marital Separation after the Gospels
and Conclusions
Marital Separation: Objections
1-3
Marital Separation: Objections
4-6 and the Early Church
Remarriage Addendum: Exception
Clause Comparison
New Testament Protocols Regarding Men
and Women (Part 1)
New Testament Protocols Regarding Men
and Women (Part 2)
Comparative Peer Dynamics Chart
It is with some hesitation that we engage in this study. In
fact, we have set out upon this study only after having first
addressed a great many other issues and doctrines, which in
itself indicates that this is not a topic that we relish or
were eager to assert.
The reasons for this are simple. Not that we shun away from
speaking the truth even in difficult issues, but the issue
of how men and women are to relate is a very sensitive one.
In modern times, no topic will get a man dismissed or labeled
more quickly than making comments that are considered derogatory
or condescending toward women. This may be more the case now
than ever given our current politically correct environment
and in the wake of very successful advances in women's rights.
With all this in mind, Biblical statements restricting the
role of women in the church and asserting subordination of
women, particularly to their husbands are not only unpopular,
but in many cases have come to be reexamined and adjusted
in order to favor a view that is more preferable to the views
of modern society concerning women.
As we begin, we would like to state up from that the Bible
does contain some very prominent roles for certain women in
history. Deborah was a judge of Israel in the Old Testament
(Judges 4-5). Under certain circumstances in the Old Testament,
women were allowed to own property as far back as approximately
the thirteenth-twelfth century AD (Numbers 36:1-10, Joshua
17:1-6). There are records of women prophetesses in the New
Testament (Luke 2:36, Acts 21:8-9.). And, of course, it was
women who were the first to witness and report the resurrection
of Jesus Christ (Matthew 28:1-10, Mark 16:9-11, Luke 23:55-24:11,
John 20:1, 10-18). Because of such things, a great deal of
honor and respect is due to godly women in general. But none
of these facts erase, change, or override the very straightforward
instructions given in the New Testament concerning the role
and restrictions for women in the Church as well as within
a marriage.
In order to properly understand the role of women as defined
by the Bible, rather than our modern societal ideals, we now
turn our attention to examining these New Testament instructions
regarding men and women in the Church and within a marriage.
In order to understand how the authors of the New Testament
described the role of women in the Church and in their households,
we have begun by taking a survey. Out of a possible 232 verses
where the words "woman," "women," "wife," or "wives" are mentioned
in the New Testament, 29 of those verses deal with issues
of divorce and remarriage and 43 deal provide protocols the
way women and wives relate to men and husbands in the Christian
worldview.
Furthermore, some of these 45 verses occur in the same chapter
as one another. And once we account for this factor, we find
that we have 45 verses that occur within 11 chapters. Or in
short, there are 11 chapters in the New Testament regarding
the protocols for how women are to relate to men, how wives
are to relate to their husbands, and the role of women in
the Church. Those chapters are 1 Corinthians 7, 1 Corinthians
11, 1 Corinthians 14, Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, 1 Timothy
2, 1 Timothy 3, 1 Timothy 5, 2 Timothy 3, Titus 2, and 1 Peter
3.
We will now take a look at these passages to develop an understanding
of the Biblical role of women in the Church and in their households,
beginning 1 Corinthians 7. Paul's discussion of marriage and
marriage relationships in this chapter can be broken down
into 4 sections. The first section includes verses 1-9 in
which Paul addresses obligations of wives and husbands to
one another. The second section includes verses 10-27 in which
Paul gives instructions concerning divorce and remarriage
and remaining single. The third section includes verses 28-35
in which Paul returns to discussing the obligations a wife
and husband have to one another. And finally, the fourth section
includes verses 36-40 in which Paul provides some closing
comments regarding the protocols for getting married or remaining
single.
Because the second and fourth sections do not directly deal
with the roles of husbands and wives, they do not pertain
directly to our study and so we will not be covering those
portions of this chapter during this investigation. We will,
however, be examining the first and third sections, beginning
with verses 1-9.
1 Corinthians 7:1 Now concerning the things whereof
ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have
his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence:
and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4 The
wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and
likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body,
but the wife. 5 Defraud ye not one the other, except
it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves
to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan
tempt you not for your incontinency. 6 But I speak this
by permission, and not of commandment. 7 For I would that
all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his
proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after
that 8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It
is good for them if they abide even as I. 9 But if they
cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry
than to burn.
There are two major points to this portion of 1 Corinthians
7. First, Paul begins in verse 1 by announcing his general
topic, which is physical relations between a man and a woman.
And moreover, Paul states in verse 2 that every man and woman
is free to marry to avoid fornication. As the rest of the
chapter demonstrates, Paul's comment in verse 6 that he "speaks
this by permission, and not of commandment" is directed at
this statement permitting marriage in verse 2. Thus, Paul's
statement in verse 6 was meant to apply to marriage itself
and not the immediately preceding remarks concerning intercourse
in verses 3-5.
What Paul is saying in verse 6 is that marriage is permitted,
but is not commanded. Thus, when Paul says in verse 2 "let
every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her
own husband," by saying this he is giving permission to get
married, not a commandment. Verse 7 demonstrates that this
is Paul's meaning. For, in verse 6, Paul states that something
is permitted, not commanded and then Paul begins verse 7 by
stating what Paul would prefer in contrast to what he permits.
And what Paul prefers is insightful to what it is that Paul
is regarding as permissible in verse 6.
In verse 7-9, Paul states that his preference is for Christians
to remain single. Paul states this plainly in verses 7-8 where
he writes that he would prefer that the unmarried remain unmarried,
even as he was at this time. (Paul will explain his reasons
for this preference later in the chapter, which we will get
to momentarily.) And in closing, Paul amplifies the sentiment
of verse 6 by saying that while Paul prefers Christians to
remain single, they are permitted to marry rather than burning
with lust. So, marriage is certainly permitted. It is not
commanded, nor even preferred.
And this is significant because it is necessary for us to
know exactly what Paul is saying was permitted but not commanded
in verse 6. As we have seen, Paul is talking about marriage
itself that is permitted but not commanded. Therefore, we
cannot and should not think that Paul's description of marital
obligations in verses 3-5 is just a suggestion. Instead, Paul's
instructions about marital obligations in verses 3-5 should
be taken as absolutely binding for those who are married,
while marriage itself is considered optional. And so in this
passage it is the marriage, which is optional, and not the
obligations within marriage as described by Paul.
Now that we know that the obligations described by Paul in
verses 3-5 are not what is describing as optional in verse
6, we can very simply understand the first obligation Paul
describes between a husband and wife.
1 Corinthians 7:3 Let the husband render unto the
wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the
husband. 4 The wife hath not power of her own body,
but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power
of his own body, but the wife. 5 Defraud ye not one
the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may
give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again,
that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
For those who do choose the option of marriage, Paul states
that the husband and wife are obligated to render each other
sexual intercourse. The reason for this obligation is simple.
In this chapter Paul is regarding marriage as an optional
means of combating fornication and lust. Since Paul depicts
marriage as a remedy for fornication, a husband and wife are
obligated to engage in sexual behavior with one another. Paul
feels so strongly about this that in verse 4, Paul states
that with regard to sexual intercourse, the husband does not
have right or dominion over his own body. When it comes to
engaging in sexual intercourse, whether or not a husband engages
in sexual intercourse is not up to him, its up to his wife.
Instead, his body is there to serve his wife's sexual needs.
And the exact same is true for the wife. Whether or not she
engages in sexual intercourse is not up to her, its up to
her husband. And this occurs because marriage is regarded
in this passage as a remedy for both the male and the female
desire for sex.
Moreover, Paul's strong feelings about this obligation are
further established in verse 5. In verse 5, Paul says that
the failure to submit one's body to a spouse's desire for
intercourse is "defrauding" the spouse. The Greek word for
"defraud" in verse 5 is "apostereo" (Strong's No. 650), which
means simply to "defraud, rob, despoil." Interestingly, this
word is the same Greek word used by Jesus for "steel" in Matthew
10:19 when he recites the 10 commandments. So, according to
Paul, the failure to submit oneself to a spouse's desire for
intercourse is a form of robbing them.
This is also why in verse 3 Paul stated that the husband and
wife much each render to each other "due benevolence." The
Greek word for "due" is "opheilo" (Strong's No. 3784), which
means to "owe" in the sense of "to owe money, be in debt for."
Consequently, according to Paul married couples "owe" it to
each other to engage in intercourse according to the desires
and needs of, not themselves, but the other party. So strong
is this "owing" of intercourse to the other spouse that not
to do so is equivalent to robbing them.
Paul is not afraid to be specific about this either, which
is also evident from verse 5.
1 Corinthians 7:5 Defraud ye not one the other,
except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give
yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again,
that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
According to Paul, the only way for a married couple to abstain
from having intercourse is if both spouses agree to such a
proposition. And even if they do agree, Paul states that this
time of abstaining should be temporary and then the couple
is to resume regular intercourse again. And furthermore, since
the reason for this obligation is to avoid temptations of
lust and since each spouse's body is under their spouse's
will and not their own in this area, the frequency of intercourse
should be determined according to what the other spouse needs
in order to avoid periods without intercourse in which temptation
lingers and grows. In other words, the frequency should be
determined by the other persons needs.
That is the first obligation that Paul discusses in 1 Corinthians
7. We will now move on the third section of this chapter in
which Paul discusses some other obligations each married spouse
has.
1 Corinthians 7:28 But and if thou marry, thou hast
not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless
such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.
29 But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth,
that both they that have wives be as though they had none;
30 And they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that
rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as
though they possessed not; 31 And they that use this world,
as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away.
32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is
unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how
he may please the Lord: 33 But he that is married careth
for the things that are of the world, how he may please his
wife. 34 There is difference also between a wife and a
virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the
Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but
she that is married careth for the things of the world, how
she may please her husband. 35 And this I speak for your
own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for
that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord
without distraction.
Here Paul's words are more general. In verses 1-9, Paul was
quite specific about how each spouse is obligated to the other.
But here in verses 28-35, Paul simply states that each husband
or wife has to give care to pleasing their spouse. This obligation
to please the spouse is not expounded upon here with specifics.
We might imagine, of course, that spouses have to work things
out with each other, make decisions and schedules with each
other, and function as partners. In these ways, each spouse
has take be involved in the cares of running a household.
And this provides an added, although acceptable, distraction
to one's Christian walk.
Because of this, Paul's advice in verse 29 is that those with
spouses should live as though they had no spouses. This doesn't
mean divorce, of course, for Paul forbids divorce earlier
in this same chapter. And this doesn't mean abstaining from
intercourse either, for Paul specifically states not to do
so earlier in this chapter as well. But, with regard to the
other ways in which one provides extra distraction by attending
to the multitude of personal and scheduling needs that arise
in a household, Paul seems to prefer that Christians let these
go by the wayside as much as possible while still maintaining
order in the household, of course. Some of the next passages
from Paul will further explain the obligations in the household
that Paul considered necessary for maintaining basic order.
Consequently, beyond the obligations affirmed by Paul regarding
intercourse in verses 3-5, it appears from verse 29 that Paul
would prefer married couples try to live without putting to
many other obligations on one another, since these things
so easily distract the from pursuit of God. Of course, this
will no doubt seem barbaric in modern times. But, as we will
see in other passages to follow, in addition to the sexual
obligations described in verses 3-5, Paul still upholds some
spiritual obligations between the husband and wife for the
purposes of their edification in the body of Christ through
sound doctrine.
This leads us to the next passage in our investigation.
1 Corinthians 11:1 Be ye followers of me, even as I
also am of Christ. 2 Now I praise you, brethren, that ye
remember me in all things, and keep the ordinances, as I delivered
them to you. 3 But I would have you know, that the
head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is
the man; and the head of Christ is God. 4 Every man praying
or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonoureth his
head. 5 But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with
her head uncovered dishonoureth (2617) her head: for that
is even all one as if she were shaven. 6 For if the woman
be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame
(149) for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered.
7 For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch
as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the
glory of the man. 8 For the man is not of the woman; but the
woman of the man. 9 Neither was the man created for
the woman; but the woman for the man. 10 For this cause
ought the woman to have power on her head because of the angels.
11 Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither
the woman without the man, in the Lord. 12 For as the woman
is of the man, even so is the man also by the woman; but all
things of God. 13 Judge in yourselves: is it comely that a
woman pray unto God uncovered? 14 Doth not even nature itself
teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto
him? 15 But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her:
for her hair is given her for a covering. 16 But if any
man seem to be contentious, we have no such custom, neither
the churches of God.
In this passage, Paul discusses the relationship of women
to men in a general way. Although this passage contains instructions
regarding head coverings for women, the comments that are
relevant to our current study are those, which pertain to
subordination. In this regard, verse 3 is the most straightforward.
In verse 3, Paul states that the relationship between man
and woman is similar to the type of subordination that we
see each man has to Christ Jesus. Even though in verses 11-12,
Paul reminds men to remain humble in the knowledge that they,
too, are all born from women, we can no more erase the subordination
of the woman to the man than we can erase the subordination
of every man to Christ.
We should also note that Paul's assertions here are couched
between statements in verses 2 and 16 in which Paul appeals
to the universal apostolic teaching of these things that is
present in all the churches as further reason for the Corinthians
to keep these things. Clearly, Paul associates this teaching
as part of the apostolic doctrine that was handed down to
the Churches. As such, we should not think that we can deviate
from it. Paul will do this same thing in 1 Corinthians 14,
as we will see momentarily.
And while this passage contains specific instructions regarding
head coverings, it does not provide any specific protocols
concerning how men and women should relate to one another
beyond the general assertion that man is the head of woman
and not the other way around. However, this assertion regarding
man as the head of the woman will be repeated in further discussions
from Paul concerning the relationship of the wife and husband.
And, with this issue of headship and authority in mind, we
turn to the next passage in our study, 1 Corinthians 14.
As we move into 1 Corinthians 14, we should note the related
words for "dishonour" and "shame" in 1 Corinthians 11:5 and
6. The Greek word for "dishonour" is "kataischuno" (Strong's
No. 2617) and the Greek word for "shame" is "aischron" (Strong's
No. 149.) As even the spelling of these words demonstrates,
they are related. Both are derived from "aischuno" (Strong's
No. 153), which means, "to disfigure, to dishonour." Paul's
use of these two particular Greek words in his negative characterization
of women acting against God's order of authority in 1 Corinthians
11 will become significant as we examine 1 Corinthians 14.
1 Corinthians 14:34 Let your women keep silence
in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak;
but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also
saith the law. 35 And if they will learn any thing, let
them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame (149) for
women to speak in the church. 36 What? came the word
of God out from you? or came it unto you only? 37 If any
man think himself to be a prophet, or spiritual, let him acknowledge
that the things that I write unto you are the commandments
of the Lord. 38 But if any man be ignorant, let him be
ignorant.
Although 1 Corinthians 11 doesn't provide specifics about
how women should relate to men (apart from wearing head coverings),
there are striking similarities between 1 Corinthians 11 and
1 Corinthians 14.
First, in verse 35, Paul states that it is a shame for women
to speak when the local church is gathered together for weekly
meetings. The Greek word for shame here is "aischron" (Strong's
No. 149.), which is one of the two related words that we saw
Paul using with regard to women and authority in 1 Corinthians
11. In 1 Corinthians 11, Paul states that any woman with long
hair who doesn't take effort to cover her head is shaming
her head. In 1 Corinthians 14, using similar Greek words,
Paul similarly states that it is a shame for a woman to speak
in church gatherings instead of asking her husband at home.
Paul describes both cases as a shameful disregard of God's
appointed order in which men are placed in authority over
women in the Church, just as Christ is in position over men.
Second, in 1 Corinthians 11:2 and 16, Paul appeals to both
the ordinances and teachings passed on by the apostles to
the multitude of churches. He does the same thing here in
1 Corinthians 14:36, where he writes, "What? came the word
of God out from you? or came it unto you only?" In doing so,
Paul affirms that his teaching here was universally taught
among the early churches and, therefore, that we should not
deviate from it. This sentiment is further established by
verses 37-38 where Paul states that anyone who is spiritual
would acknowledge these things. By contrast, anyone who does
not acknowledge Paul's teachings in chapter 14, including
these protocols regarding women in the church, is ignorant
and unspiritual.
But we should not forget the basic obligations specified by
Paul in 1 Corinthians 14.
1 Corinthians 14:34 Let your women keep silence
in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak;
but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also
saith the law. 35 And if they will learn any thing, let
them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame (149) for
women to speak in the church.
To say it simply, according Paul one additional obligation
that women have to their husbands is to submit to their husbands
when it comes to learning doctrine. Furthermore, women are
also depicted here as required to be submissive to other men
in church gatherings, at least to the extent that women do
not have the right to contradict men or even ask questions
of men in the regular weekly gathering of the church. For
a woman to speak up during the weekly gathering is regarded,
by Paul, as a shameful disregard for God's appointed order,
including the woman's subordination to man in the Church and
her husband in particular as asserted by Paul in 1 Corinthians
11.
And it is perfectly right for us to draw upon chapter 11 when
reading chapter 14 since they are part of the same letter,
since they are part of the same overall discussion from Paul,
and since they were written in that order. Chapter 11 was
no doubt meant to lead and build toward chapter 14.
Notice also that unlike the option of getting married, which
Paul regards as permissive and not a command in 1 Corinthians
7, Paul regards this teaching concerning women being in silent
as "not permitted" and a matter of "command." So, we know
that Paul is absolutely unbending regarding this teaching.
Consequently, we can add two additional obligations to the
protocols between men and woman. Women are obligated to be
silent in churches. And women are obligated to learn from
their husbands. Husbands, consequently, are required to teach
their wives.
This leads us to Ephesians 5. In Ephesians 5:22-33, Paul describes
the authority structure between a husband and a wife. But,
what is most interesting is that Paul places these instructions
immediately before he also discusses similar authority and
behavior regarding parents and children as well as masters
and slaves.
Ephesians 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the
Lord: for this is right. 2 Honour thy father and mother;
(which is the first commandment with promise;) 3 That it may
be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.
4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath:
but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
5 Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according
to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of
your heart, as unto Christ; 6 Not with eyeservice, as menpleasers;
but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from
the heart; 7 With good will doing service, as to the Lord,
and not to men: 8 Knowing that whatsoever good thing any man
doeth, the same shall he receive of the Lord, whether he be
bond or free. 9 And, ye masters, do the same things unto
them, forbearing threatening: knowing that your Master
also is in heaven; neither is there respect of persons with
him.
Here in Ephesians 6:1-9, Paul describes the authority and
obligations that exist between children and parents as well
as slaves and masters. As we will see, Paul does the exact
same thing with regard to husbands and wives in Ephesians
5:22-33, which immediately precedes this passage in Ephesians
6. This is very similar to what we have seen in 1 Corinthians
11 where Paul described how man is the head of woman in the
same context where he states that Christ is the head of man.
By tying those two together, Paul makes it impossible to erode
the one without eroding the other. The same is true here in
Ephesians 5 and 6. Paul's mention of the authority and obligation
that exists with regard to husbands and wives, parents and
children, and slaves and masters makes it difficult to erase
or slight any one of these without doing the same to the others
due to the parallel nature of Paul's comments.
But before we examine Ephesians 5, we must take note of one
more item from Ephesians 6:1-9. Notice the pattern. In each
case, Paul states that one party is in authority and one party
is subordinate. The subordinate party is obligated to submit
to the party in authority. But the party in authority is also
given an obligation with regard to how they treat the subordinate
party. Children are required to obey their parents, who have
authority over them, but parents are commanded not to provoke
their children to wrath and to train them in the Lord. Slaves
are required to obey their masters, who have authority over
them, but the masters are commanded not to use intimidation
or threats toward the slaves.
So, one party is placed in submission and is obligated to
obey. The other party is placed in authority but is obligated
to rule correctly and mindfully of the Lord. This same pattern
is also given by Paul in his comments regarding husbands and
wives in the immediately preceding passage from Ephesians
5. We will list these parallels side by side below for easy
comparison.
One party is obligated to submit.
1.) CHILDREN - Ephesians 6:1 Children, obey your
parents in the Lord: for this is right.
2.) SLAVES - Ephesians 6:5 Servants, be obedient
to them that are your masters according to the flesh,
with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto
Christ;
3.) WIVES - Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves
unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
4.) THE CHURCH - Ephesians 5:24 Therefore as the
church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to
their own husbands in every thing.
The party in authority is also given obligations.
1.) PARENTS - Ephesians 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke
not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture
and admonition of the Lord.
2.) MASTERS - Ephesians 6:9 And, ye masters, do
the same things unto them, forbearing threatening: knowing
that your Master also is in heaven; neither is there respect
of persons with him.
3.) HUSBANDS - Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your
wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave
himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with
the washing of water by the word, 28 So ought men to love
their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife
loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh;
but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord
the church:
4.) CHRIST - Ephesians 5:24 Therefore as the church
is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own
husbands in every thing. 25 Husbands, love your wives, even
as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
As we can see, this part-counterpart relationship where the
authoritative party has obligations and so does the subordinate
party is consistent throughout Paul's message here. We will
now look at Ephesians 5 to see more about how Paul describes
the authority and what obligations exist between the wife
and husband. Furthermore, this is what we meant earlier in
the study when we referred to the obligations necessary to
maintain God's appointed order in the household so that chaos
and disharmony do not ensue. This is Paul's description of
that proper order in a household between husbands and wives
and parents and children.
Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your
own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband
is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the
church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore
as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be
to their own husbands in every thing.
First, notice that just like 1 Corinthians 11 where Paul ties
a woman's submission to a man directly to a man's necessity
to submit to Christ Jesus, Paul does the exact same thing
here in verse 23. In fact, Paul even uses identical terminology,
using the reference to headship in both passages. In this
way, we must define a wife's submission to her husband as
a parallel to the submission we are to have to Christ. If
we say that a wife's submission here refers only to a very
loose accommodation, then consequently our required submission
to Christ would only need to be a very loose accommodation.
However, if we are required to be in obedience to Christ,
then we would have to interpret the wife's submission similarly
in this passage. Ultimately, our submission to Christ provides
the standard by which a wife's submission to her husband is
defined.
But what is the husband's obligation to his wife?
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as
Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing
of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself
a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such
thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28
So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies.
He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever
yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth
it, even as the Lord the church: 30 For we are members
of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31 For this cause
shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined
unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32 This is
a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love
his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence
her husband.
Well, the husband is to love his wife. But what is meant by
love in this passage? The first way that Paul defines love
is by comparison to how Jesus Christ loved the church by cleansing
it with the washing of the word. In verse 28, Paul reiterates
that in this same way the husband is to love his wife. So,
what does it mean when Paul refers to Christ cleansing the
Church through the washing of the word?
This phrase is a reference back to the teaching of Christ
found in John 15.
John 15:3 Now ye are clean through the word which
I have spoken unto you…9 As the Father hath loved me,
so have I loved you: continue ye in my love. 10 If
ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even
as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his
love…13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man
lay down his life for his friends.
In this passage in John we see 2 phrases that are used by
Paul in Ephesians 5 regarding the relationship of the husband
and wife. First, in Ephesians 5:25, Paul says that men ought
to love their wives "even as Christ also loved the church,
and gave himself for it." In saying this, Paul is referring
to Christ laying his life down for the Church, which Christ
himself states in this very same passage from John 15. Second,
in Ephesians 5:26, Paul refers to how Christ, "cleansed the
Church with the washing of water by the word." This same statement
was made by Jesus in John 15:3 where Jesus tells his followers
that he has made them, "clean through the word which I have
spoken unto you."
In John 15, Jesus' followers were made clean by the words
of Christ, which is why in John 15:9-10 Jesus also tells them
that they remain in his love by remaining in his teachings.
So, because Paul is referring back to this teaching from Christ
Jesus, by saying in Ephesians 5:26-28 that men are to clean
their wives with the washing of the word, Paul is clearly
asserting that men are to love their wives by passing on the
teachings of Christ to their wives in the same way that Christ
did with the Church in John 15:3.
What is in view here is a man teaching his wife the sound
doctrine of Jesus Christ and her abiding in it and submitting
to it just as Jesus Christ passed on that doctrine to the
Church and we are required to submit to him in all those things
that he taught. That is the way Paul says a husband loves
his wife in this passage, by teaching her the sound doctrine
of Jesus Christ. This is further evidenced by Paul in verse
29, where Paul writes that a man should, "nourish and cherish"
his wife, "even as the Lord the church."
The word for nourish in verse 29 is "ektrepho" (Strong's No.
1625), which means, "to nourish up to maturity." This one
Greek word brings together two very common New Testament metaphors
regarding training in sound doctrine: feeding and maturing.
The New Testament word for "mature" (often translated "perfect")
is the Greek word "teleios" (Strongs' No. 5046), which uses
"full grown, adult, of full age, mature" as an allusion to
complete and correct understanding in such passages as 1 Corinthians
13:10, 1 Corinthians 14:20, Ephesians 4:13, Colossians 1:28,
and Hebrews 5:14. Similarly, the New Testament uses the idea
of "feeding" as an allusion to teaching sound doctrine in
such passages as John 21:15-17, Acts 20:28, and 1 Peter 5:2.
So, as Christ loved the Church by teaching us the true words
of God, the husband is also to love his wife by teaching her
the true words of God. That is the obligation that Paul gives
to the husband in Ephesians 5. Men are to submit to Christ
in all the things that Christ taught us. And wives are submit
to their husband as the husbands teach them all the things
that Christ taught the Church.
Lastly, of course, we must also note that Paul commands husbands
to be willing to lay their lives down for their wives just
as Christ did for the Church.
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as
Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.
Perhaps it is not necessary to say more than a few words on
this point. Some might argue that this phrase from Paul indicates
that men ought to sacrifice their own desires in order to
give their wives what their wives want or prefer. But, this
is not the case. For, Paul's model for how men are to lay
down their lives for their wives is Christ. And Christ did
not sacrifice his own desires in order to give us what we
want.
Instead, Christ spent all of his life and his energy, his
time and his strength as ultimately expressed in his death
on the cross in order to give us what we needed most. Despite
the fact that Jesus had taught his disciples that he would
suffer and die, at the time when Christ Jesus laid down his
life, his disciples did not fully understand that they were
in need of what Christ was doing. (Luke 18:33-34, Luke 24:3-8,
25-27, 44-47) Peter even tried to persuade Jesus not to do
it. (Matthew 16:21-23, Mark 8:31-33.)
So, by applying Christ's example as the model for how a man
is to lay down his life for his wife, Paul is saying that
a man is to spend his time and his life to give his wife what
she needs spiritually, whether she knows it or understands
it herself at the time. Paul is not saying that a man should
sacrifice his own wants in this life in order to give his
wife what she wants and would prefer instead.
Consequently, to our list of obligations within a marriage,
from Ephesians 5 we add further understanding that the wife
is obligated to submit to the husband, particularly in terms
of doctrine, and conversely the husband is required to prepare
his wife to enter the kingdom by teaching to her the sound
teaching of Jesus Christ by which we all become clean if we
obey it, just as Jesus said in John 15:3, 9-10.
This leads us to our next passage, Colossians 3:18-19.
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